The Beginning...
How do you even begin to document your life? Especially when you are in, by far, the hardest season of your life. I think you just have to begin with the "now". Right now I'm 17 weeks pregnant, my mom is in the icu* with sepsis & cancer, and I have never felt so lost yet so found at the same time.
God has been speaking to me a few things. The first is this verse, "Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light." -Matthew 11:28-30. I am weary. I am burdened. And how does my soul need rest. I must continually come to Him to find the strength I need to continue on.
The second is this verse, "And I will give you treasures hidden in the darkness - secret riches. I will do this so you may know that I am the LORD, the God of Israel, the one who calls you by name." -Isaiah 45:3. In the midst of this uncertain time, God has reminded me that He WILL give me (and my family) treasures in the darkness. My number one treasure in the darkness right now is my unborn daughter, Tahlaya. I was reminded of that yesterday when I went for her anatomy scan and got to see her moving on the screen. It was such a sweet reminder.
The third verse He has been speaking to me is, " and provide for those who grieve in Zion—to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness a planting of the LORD for the display of His splendor." -Isaiah 61:3. Beauty for ashes. Ive been telling God pretty much over the course of the last year that I need a forest fire. I failed to realize how badly the fire would burn once He sent it. But I must go through the fire for the purification process. I am standing right in the middle of this foresr fire, but He says right there in His word that He will give me beauty for ashes, and I will cling to that.
Here is an article that I found the other night while staying the night with my mom in the icu. It just confirmed for me even more that I am in the middle of this forest fire yet He will give me beauty for ashes.https://www.crosswalk.com/faith/women/you-can-t-have-beauty-without-ashes.html
Also, this is the song that inspired me last year to begin to realize I needed a forest fire. The lyrics are beautiful. The music is beautiful. And James Blakes voice is beautiful. You won't regret listening to it. https://youtu.be/sAJgs1P-uUE
A few other things He has been telling me is that He is the LORD who provides, and He will continue to provide all that my family and I need. He has also reminded me that there will be miracles... He has done countless miracles for my family, especially for my mom. She's had a rare form of cancer called leiomyosarcoma for 6 years, and it does not respond to traditional chemo. He has reminded me that He has not brought us this far to just leave us here. One of my favorite songs says "cause this is the valley and even now, He is breathing on your dry bones
And there will be dancing. There will be beauty where beauty was ash and stone." And that is so so true.
*While posting this my mom was able to be moved out of the ICU and into a regular room at the hospital :)
God has been speaking to me a few things. The first is this verse, "Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light." -Matthew 11:28-30. I am weary. I am burdened. And how does my soul need rest. I must continually come to Him to find the strength I need to continue on.
The second is this verse, "And I will give you treasures hidden in the darkness - secret riches. I will do this so you may know that I am the LORD, the God of Israel, the one who calls you by name." -Isaiah 45:3. In the midst of this uncertain time, God has reminded me that He WILL give me (and my family) treasures in the darkness. My number one treasure in the darkness right now is my unborn daughter, Tahlaya. I was reminded of that yesterday when I went for her anatomy scan and got to see her moving on the screen. It was such a sweet reminder.
The third verse He has been speaking to me is, " and provide for those who grieve in Zion—to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness a planting of the LORD for the display of His splendor." -Isaiah 61:3. Beauty for ashes. Ive been telling God pretty much over the course of the last year that I need a forest fire. I failed to realize how badly the fire would burn once He sent it. But I must go through the fire for the purification process. I am standing right in the middle of this foresr fire, but He says right there in His word that He will give me beauty for ashes, and I will cling to that.
Here is an article that I found the other night while staying the night with my mom in the icu. It just confirmed for me even more that I am in the middle of this forest fire yet He will give me beauty for ashes.https://www.crosswalk.com/faith/women/you-can-t-have-beauty-without-ashes.html
Also, this is the song that inspired me last year to begin to realize I needed a forest fire. The lyrics are beautiful. The music is beautiful. And James Blakes voice is beautiful. You won't regret listening to it. https://youtu.be/sAJgs1P-uUE
A few other things He has been telling me is that He is the LORD who provides, and He will continue to provide all that my family and I need. He has also reminded me that there will be miracles... He has done countless miracles for my family, especially for my mom. She's had a rare form of cancer called leiomyosarcoma for 6 years, and it does not respond to traditional chemo. He has reminded me that He has not brought us this far to just leave us here. One of my favorite songs says "cause this is the valley and even now, He is breathing on your dry bones
And there will be dancing. There will be beauty where beauty was ash and stone." And that is so so true.
*While posting this my mom was able to be moved out of the ICU and into a regular room at the hospital :)
What a beautiful post.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much :)
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